Feel the fear and do it anyway...

I normally write a blog post in early March rejoicing that Spring is finally here, we have survived the dark, tough months of January and February, and that I am feeling so much more positive than previously...but this year we're almost two whole weeks into the month of March before I feel I can write that! The first of March this year, the first day of Spring, brought an insane amount of snow to many parts of the country. And it kept falling...

In Stow we had over 18 inches, and just getting the dog out for a walk proved to be a bit of a battle...full waterproof gear on, wellies, hats, gloves etc. There was very little chance to run, and walks were curtailed by the blizzard conditions. Spring was truly squashed under the white stuff.

However, the snow has mostly melted (although there's still a fair bit lying in the Scottish Borders!) and the snowdrops have reappeared looking none the worst from their temporary cover. There are crocuses to be seen, and surely the daffodils are not far away now. The signs of Spring are starting to emerge and it makes you realise that nature is tough, resilient, and never gives up.

Wish the same could be said for myself! I battled through January and February feeling like there was very little to be positive about, and finding it hard to see the good that surrounds us. But like those tough snowdrops still fighting on, I feel I have emerged from that dark time and can see how much there is to be hopeful and positive about.

In the space of under two weeks, I have become an Aunty to a beautiful baby boy in France, my husband has published an eBook, and I have completed a half marathon!

I entered the Inverness Half Marathon way back in September, after completing just a few Parkruns and before I'd run a 10k. Of course at that point the 11th of March was such a long way off, I had months of training ahead, and it would all be fine. My good friend Paula entered too, and in February we enjoyed - or maybe endured - a 12 mile training run around Loch Leven.

I decided to keep it a secret from family and friends that I would be doing the half marathon. In the most part this was due to the fact that I didn't really believe I could do it - and besides it was ages away. I'd tell them when it was over...

Of course as the months went on it got harder and harder to not say anything, and I wondered why I'd kept it a secret. But I continued to do so, and I made a plan to tell them the other part of my running secret at the same time...

In November 2017, after a good few weeks of to-ing and fro-ing, and changing my mind, I entered the 2018 Edinburgh Marathon. My three brothers have all completed marathons, and there was a bit of a banter about it being 'my turn next'. I ignored this though - I was more than happy to bag Munros rather than run 26.2 miles. In the back of my mind I probably thought 'maybe I'll do a marathon one day', but this would be a long way off in the future when I sorted out the rest of my life...!

Seven months ago came a very harsh lesson to me and my family that 'the future' is not something we can take for granted, and neither is our health. My big brother Andrew has been battling a rare auto-immune condition called dermatomyositis - which affects around one in a million people - and this was the push I needed to get out there and get running.

I am running the marathon for myself, but now I am also running it for Andrew and for others who are suffering from this cruel illness. I am fundraising for Myositis UK - a charity dedicated to research and support for those with the various forms of myositis. I have set up a Justgiving page for the marathon: www.justgiving.com/fundraising/helen-runs-edinburgh-marathon

I have been following a 30 week training plan, which actually started the day after the Jedburgh 10k. I haven't always stuck to the plan but I have been increasing my mileage gradually every week, and my confidence has grown at the same time. I have pushed myself out my comfort zone entirely - when I started running at Parkrun it was a huge deal - I was very anxious about going in to a scenario with lots of people, and I was very anxious about my ability. What I found was a very welcoming and supportive environment, with no judgement, and so I started feeling able to go for 3 mile runs around Stow.

In time I have built this up and started going further and further. This time last year I would never have believed I was capable of running a half marathon.

I'm so glad I chose the Inverness Half though - it was a very well organised race with lots of friendly volunteers and great local support. The course was good, and allowed Dave, Gibson, baby Gibson and Tig the dog to cheer Paula and I on at various points. I enjoyed the first part of the run more, and got chatting to a really nice chap for a mile or so, which was a helpful distraction! Around the 9 mile mark I started to struggle. Although I had said I wasn't fussed about my time, I started to realise that I might be able to manage a sub-2 hour time, or very close to it.

So I have to say I didn't enjoy the last 3 or 4 miles because I pushed it a bit hard - and I'm a bit annoyed at myself for that because that wasn't my plan! But a few days later I'm really pleased I did push it because I'm absolutely chuffed to bits to have run 1:58:18.

I burst into tears the second I crossed the finish line, and cried for at least half an hour afterwards ("and the rest" says Dave). When I got to the volunteers handing out medals, I was crying so much that the lady hugged me as she gave me my medal, which really meant a lot!! I didn't realise just how emotional it would be.

 

Running has given me a sense of achievement and fulfillment that I haven't had from much else - Munro bagging is a similar feeling. It's a huge push out my comfort zone, and I still don't really believe I can do it, but little by little I am getting there!

I still have a lot to do when it comes to my marathon training, and not masses of time to do it in - the Edinburgh Marathon is the 27th of May. But the support of everyone so far and no doubt still to come will get me to that start line...and hopefully the finish line!