Christmas and Hogmanay passed quickly, as always, and without stress. I made far more of an effort this year not to get stressed out (why get stressed out?) and it paid off. A very enjoyable time, with family, food, and fun. A temporary Christmas contract with M&S made me feel active and hard-working. I caught up with good friends from university, and on Auld Years Nicht a small gathering in mine and Dave's flat provided many laughs.
I began 2011 hungover and shameful - after a drink-fuelled argument with my boyfriend of five months. I continued in an employment that - even then - I was unhappy in. I struggled through January feeling very low. Tours were ruined by the snow; on one occasion I was stuck in Dalmally trying to get to Inveraray. The road to Inveraray was closed, the road back to Tyndrum was closed. There was only one way I could go - west towards Oban, then through Ballachulish, Glencoe, and over Rannoch Moor. At certain moments, as I manoeuvred my way over one of the last great wildernesses in Europe, visibility was zero, snow and darkness consumed everything. The snow poles were useless. The road - that I driven so many times - seemed to change and move in ways it had never done before. Hellish, but I made it. On another occasion last January, I took a bunch of heckling Lithuanians through Highland Perthshire, another tour spoiled by the snow, but made worse by their sexism and rude remarks about my driving and tour guiding.
On the 14th of January, our flat was flooded by our charming neighbour upstairs, who, whilst renovating his own flat, had removed the bath and forgotten to cap the pipes. Water soaked through the building until the bathroom carpet was sodden and the kitchen ceiling stained. In his defence, he couldn't possibly have been the culprit: " 'cos am'a plumber ". A year of chasing insurance, of new lightbulbs, carpets, a whole new kitchen ceiling, of anxiety, anger, and stress.
February saw more anxious times, and sadly another stressful argument between me and Dave, fuelled by cider and Scotland's dreadful rugby performance during the Six Nations. A whole lot of crying and soul searching later, we came out a lot stronger. This was confirmed by a few days on wild Skye; me, Dave, and my female soulmate and gorgeous best friend Emily, and a month apart.
Emily and I travelled up, down, over, and around Europe, taking in Munich, Prague, Berlin, Frankfurt, Trier, Luxembourg, Brussels, Bruges, and Amsterdam. A trip I would be interested to do again with some of my lessened anxiety levels, a trip I would be intrigued to try again when me and Emily are in our thirties, a trip I would do all over again exactly the same - except for a few things. I wouldn't fancy sharing a small hostel room in Munich with two fiftyplusyearold men who snored like freight trains and didn't speak a word of English. I wouldn't stay at the same hostel in Berlin where a 'computer error' saw a male put in an all female room. Shock horror you say - well, an excusable error if the young man in question had had a good nights sleep and hadn't puked all over the floor at 3am. I wouldn't eat that spinach in Trier again. I wouldn't revisit the hotel in Brussels that had probably modelled itself on the hotel from The Shining. I wouldn't have engaged the over-friendly Canadians in conversation in the hostel in Bruges if I'd known they were going to be horribly obnoxious and then drop (and spectacularly break) Emily's camera.
But. What a fantastic trip despite those moments. Experiences and memories that will last a lifetime; moments of sheer joy when recalling all the laughs. And the pigeons. And this.
And then. A 25th birthday. A summer of tours - with good, bad, and indifferent moments. A year anniversary. My brother, home from France. A burn-out. A baby for my cousin. Time spent with Dave's brother and family, over from Australia. Signed off with stress. A Munro. A blog. A time to reflect. A chance to change, to grow, to learn. A return to touring, and an exit. A resignation, and a rejuvenation.
And now. 2012. A year of progression, transition, movement. I begin 2012 with an air of positivity. I have hopes and fears. I have things to anticipate, and things to be pro-active about. I have mountains to climb and streams to ford and rainbows to follow and dreams to find.
Yes!! Here we go 2012!!
Love it Helen! Go get them dreams. I think 2011 was a struggle for a lot of us, even those not so prone to anxiety. Here's to blogging and to a positive, joyful, 2012. Can't wait to read all about your adventures this year.
ReplyDeleteEm. xx